Blog-Gag-Me

By on 5-04-2012 in Blog-Gag-Me

Blog-Gag-Me

Readers have sent us (and we have happened upon) so many adoption blogs and blog entries that are offensive, dangerous set-ups for the children, unethical, illegal and/or crazy that it exceeds our FacePalm capacity.

This week one of our readers is acting as a guest blogger, Cyrano, by writing the first three entries and sending us the last three!Thanks for all of your work! [Edited to add Child Collector and/or Red Flags]

One
This AP with 11 kids (8 adopted with SNs) is merrily advising PAPs that it’s a wonderful idea to start an adoption WITHOUT being fully funded or having because god will provide. You sooo wouldn’t want PAPs to do the responsible thing like plan ahead how they are going to cover the (often considerable) costs associated with an adoption:
http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.ca/2012/04/questions-and-answers-adoption-part-1.html

“Absolutely not! Step out in faith and start the process…and then watch and see how He provides. We sold everything that wasn’t nailed down {and lost the rest in the fire!} and each adoption we started we had zero money toward it. Yet, miraculously {cause He is just the Master Provider!} we have successfully adopted 8 of our 11 children without ever taking a loan {six of which were on a pastor’s income}. He is soooo faithful!”

Two
Which leads to yet another RR PAP that has no savings (!), no emergency fund (!!), does not qualify for a loan (!!!) and has decided that they absolutely MUST get others to give them $17K so they can adopt a kid. Why why why do social workers sign off this kind of homestudy?!?

On the bright side, the PAP is not raising $ to cover the cost of apostilles, postage or post-placement reports… but for all anyone knows, they’re saving that for next week!!
http://specialingredientlove.blogspot.ca/2012/04/major-announcement-big-huge-read-d.html

And lastly, please pray that we receive the funding we need to bring our beautiful daughter home, so we can give her the love and understanding that she deserves, and the proper medical care that she needs. We need to raise $17,000 in the next few weeks to make that happen. We can take care of her with no problem once she’s here, but we just don’t have a spare $17,000 to get her. We cannot take out an equity loan, or any other kind of loan. We cannot take out of our retirement money, because it’s not allowed for portions to be withdrawn… it’s all or nothing, and if we take it all, we’ll be in serious trouble financially. We can’t do any fundraisers, there isn’t enough time, and we don’t have a huge circle of people that we’re connected to to pull something like that off so short notice. All we have is our family, our home, our faith, and our willingness to love and care for this little girl currently residing in an eastern European orphanage that has NOTHING. If you can help by making a tax-deductible donation into our Reece’s Rainbow grant, no matter how small or large, then please do… or pass the link onto your friends, please help us get the word out… and please, please pray. Please pray that this works out.

Three

I don’t even know where to start on this PAPs horrendous blog post. Comments [from guest blogger]are in red, below:
http://oursoninbulgaria.blogspot.ca/2012/04/uscis-bystanders.html

Another strange title to convey very different information!

I’ve been overwhelmed with college classes. I have seven classes remaining before I complete my bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Human Services (Social Work). These weeks are the last two I have before I get a two week break. Then, I must plan carefully, because there is a good chance I will be traveling during Bulgaria during my online semester!

I’ve learned so much in my education; so much more than I ever thought I would, and so much that helps me with Chelsea’s needs and things I know will help our future son. Human behavior is fascinating, and learning how and why people think what they do is so interesting to me.

Because taking classes and reading about institutionalized, traumatized children with special needs is 100% adequate preparation for adopting such a kid. Book learning is enough!

I read so many people’s blogs and stories about their adoptions; about adoptions from The Bad Place, or other special needs adoptions, or domestic adoptions. The common theme from all of them is that, in most cases, these families need help to complete their adoptions and they are asking for it. Whether they are doing fundraisers, giveaways, or simply asking for donations, these families are asking for help.

Have you considered that people are not OFFERING help to these PAPs because their well-intentioned efforts to adopt because they CARE deeply for children?

That perhaps they choose not to support your efforts to adopt due to your disrespect for the kid you hope to adopt?

You demonstrate your disrespect by posting photos and medical info of a child you have NO LEGAL CLAIM TO WHATSOEVER. Is the kid not entitled to dignity and privacy? I sure think so… unfortunately, it’s clear that you do not.

Often, no matter how many page views they have, or how many followers care, their pleas are ignored. It’s probably because there are just so many people out there asking. It becomes overwhelming to some, I’m sure. Others feel that they can’t make a difference. Still others feel pressured to help, but tell themselves that “someone else will help. I’m not in a position to do it because…”

  It is not so much that folks think their help won’t make a difference – perhaps folks do not want to reinforce bad behaviour? i.e. yours, as a PAP.

The lack of support could be due to you choosing to adopt despite:
1) Not being in a position to care for an additional child without fundraising. Planning is really important and you appear NOT to have planned to take care of this child (caring for a kid includes FINANCIALLY)

2) Hoping to fund your adoption by illegal means, such as a giveaway of an ipad, ipod or other expensive gizmo that may be construed as an illegal lottery:
PAPs who do illegal things to fundraise the $ to bring the kids they want to adopt home – many iPad, ipod, etc. giveaways are ILLEGAL as they are ILLEGAL lotteries. You can read all about it at:http://marketingelementsblog.com/2011/01/is-your-giveawaycontest-legal-in-social-media/

3) Knowingly choosing to work with an unethical organization, Reece’s Rainbow that illegally photolists children (Serbia and Ukraine specifically ban this practice; many of the photolisted children aren’t even legally available for adoption), has and knowingly works with allegedly unethical facilitators such as Serge in Ukraine, which you can read all about at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TEEA/message/1238Scriptural references aside, it reminded me of the case study I learned in my Social Psychology class about the Bystander Effect. (If you are really, really interested in hearing about this, you can look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect. Wikipedia isn’t really a scholarly reference, but you’ll get the idea).

One of the famous experiments about the Bystander Effect was studied as a result of a woman in the city of New York who was killed. Her name was Kitty Genovese. She was in a heavily populated area and screamed for help. Dozens of people heard her cries, yet no one called the police. Why?

Much of the Kitty Genovese murder you mention is a myth – you may want to check out:http://jezebel.com/5396992/superfreakonomics-not-that-super-or-freaky

This research notes that:
“in the face of suffering. A New York Times account of the event famously began, “for more than half an hour 38 respectable, law-abiding citizens in Queens watched a killer stalk and stab a woman in three separate attacks in Kew Gardens. […] Not one person telephoned the police during the assault; one witness called after the woman was dead.” In fact, the number of witnesses was more like six, and one of them may have called the police in time to save Genovese — but they were slow to respond because they thought it was a domestic violence call. As Levitt and Dubner frame it, the Genovese story is less about uncaring bystanders and more about incompetent police and sensationalizing reporters. They roll this information together with a critique of modern altruism research to form a convincing argument that people at large are neither as evil nor as good as they’re sometimes made out to be.”

There are many reasons why; many clinical, scholarly reasons why that are studied and proven. Things about cognitive dissonance and intepreting social cues, and so on. But one of the reasons – an easy reason, really – was that the people who heard her HEARD her, but thought, “I’m sure someone else will take care of that. I don’t want to get involved because [insert reason here].”

Everyone thought that someone else would help Kitty Genovese, and the net result was that no one helped.

Are you still with me, or did I cause your eyes to glaze over with my scholarly stuff? 🙂

Nope. But as noted above, the KG story is not quite what you (and Wikipedia) make it out to be.

I’ll bet you see my point.

We read blogs and stories of families who choose to adopt, who support special needs adoptions or foster children, or raise money for good causes (like funds for medical care to The Bad Place), and perhaps we get stuck in our thinking of, “I can’t do anything. Someone else will do it.”

Or people think of the awful outcomes – disruption, abuse, death – that comes from underprepared folks with great intentions adopting kids they’re totally unprepared to care for via RR.

These have been mentioned before on reformtalk, but it’s sometimes handy to have the links all in one place:

Autumn Winkle raised $30K to adopt RR Bhodan and Yuri, but disrupted Yuri a few months later:http://noknots.blogspot.com/2011/10/story-you-have-been-waiting-for.html?m=1

Kim and Fyodor Emelyentsev are in jail for beating lil RR Nicolai to death. All of a month after they adopted him. There were 16 RR adoptions in 2008, so this ONE death means the murder rate of those adoptees that year was 6.2%. google it!

An RR family disrupted a few months after adopting last year and THIS family has taken in the kicked-out-of-his-godly-Christian-forever-family kid:http://www.only1mom.com/2012/03/because-gods-plan-is-always-better-than.html

This may surprise you, but our family – in spite of our need, which is very real – continues to support others who are adopting, and other children in need.

That is a wonderful, admirable thing to do. Keep up the great work!!

In spite of our need, we continue to sponsor not one, not two, but THREE children in foreign countries (two of them through Compassion International, one through a private orphanage in Honduras). In spite of our need, we make donations to Reece’s Rainbow accounts, medical fundraising for The Bad Place, and even sometimes giveaways. We take the attitude that as we give out of our need, God will bless our family too. We take the attitude that it does not fall on “others” to help. We must help.

Every single one of us is equipped to help in some way. I see so many families (ours included) who find unique and different ways to help. Some are doing giveaways of various things. Others sell t-shirts (we just bought one today from here: http://seejoleighadopt.wordpress.com/).

Gotta love tshirts that say “Until all the orphanages are empty”… despite the fact that in many poor countries kids in orphanages have parents who LOVE and VISIT them. That orphanages are used as a sort of boarding school for poor kids who have families that LOVE and CHERISH them.

And the fact that this kind of shirts are often found to be VERY OFFENSIVE to actual adult adoptees:.. shirts that say stuff like “Serial Adopter” as if it was a good thing:

We are selling Avon, bracelets, tshirts, a downloadable song. There are people doing virtual yard sales with all kinds of things. The excuse cannot be that there is nothing that interests you.

Have you considered that the REAL reason could well be that folks do not want to support adoptions that have higher-than-average odds of failing? That they do not wish to purchase distasteful and offensive merchandise like the tshirts detailed above?
That “I’m not interested” line is just a polite way of saying “no thanks???
 

Because if you don’t want to win a Kindle, someone will be giving away an Ipad. If you don’t want an Ipad, you might want something from a yard sale. If you don’t want anything there, you might want to buy coffee (may I suggest http://www.hopetohome.com/collicott.html). And if you don’t want anything, collect your loose change for a week and contribute to a family from Reece’s Rainbow!

Maybe folks just do not want to participate in an illegal lottery, which the kindle giveaway probably is?? Would YOU support folks who were, say, running speakeasy-style illegal casino in their basement?

Do you really have nothing to give? Share a family’s story – share links to their fundraisers and blogs. Maybe you really can’t help, but maybe you are connected to someone who can. Pray. Don’t just say you are praying – really take two minutes to pray.

 

Perhaps your friends do pray – but are praying for things like better supports for families of disabled children in developing countries? Or programs that will enable families to keep their beloved children at home? Or for “early intervention” programs to assist families in seeing that it really is feasible to keep their disabled kids at home AND that those kids can have fulfilling lives, just like, say, kids with DS or autism or any number of other medical conditions in the US?
 Lift a family up in prayer; God is powerful. Sometimes, I pray while I am doing something else. Washing bottles is a good time for me. It’s somewhat mindless and a bit time consuming; a great time to bring my mind elsewhere and present my needs and a Godly family’s needs to the feet of the Throne.

Don’t suffer as a Bystander. We are not called to be Bystanders.

What is so wonderful is that I know most of you are NOT Bystanders. That is why I thank you; for sharing our story, for praying for us, and for helping. For praying about children who are orphans and without families and care. For contributing to our causes, and encouraging others to as well. For thinking of us, for our little boy, and for the millions of little boys who need families

I read so many people’s blogs and stories about their adoptions; about adoptions from The Bad Place, or other special needs adoptions, or domestic adoptions. The common theme from all of them is that, in most cases, these families need help to complete their adoptions and they are asking for it. Whether they are doing fundraisers, giveaways, or simply asking for donations, these families are asking for help.

Often, no matter how many page views they have, or how many followers care, their pleas are ignored. It’s probably because there are just so many people out there asking. It becomes overwhelming to some, I’m sure. Others feel that they can’t make a difference. Still others feel pressured to help, but tell themselves that “someone else will help. I’m not in a position to do it because…”

… because I would rather support families keeping their children (including SN kids) at home or in their native countries so they can at least keep their native tongue/culture and keep in touch with their extended families.

… because I do not want to support (even indirectly) unethical organizations that brazenly do illegal things and claim to do so in the name of a deity, such as Reece’s Rainbow.

… because I do not want to support illegal and unlicensed lotteries, such as the ipad, ipod, etc giveaways PAPs due for fundraisers.

… because I do not want to support anyone who plasters photos and private medical information of NOT THEIR KIDS all over the web.

… because I do not want to purchase blatantly offensive tshirts or trinkets.

… because I don’t want to do anything that encourages irresponsible, underprepared folks to adopt kids they may not be equipped to care for.

Four

 

Fundraising for postadoption reports and paperwork. Hmmm….I thought that all of these people can afford the postadoption expenses?

http://four-more.blogspot.ca/2012/04/little-update.html


Five 

Trying to adopt a 16 year old Ukrainian. Our reader sends us this critique “The PAP is sooo convinced the girl would be better off in the US that they want to “know her fears so I [PAP] could help alleviate them and make her [girl to be adopted] feel safe” since it’ll obviously be “worth the struggle” to give up one’s country, culture, links to bio family and language to move to the US.

The PAP has also enlisted some already-adopted Ukrainian girls from her hometown to “write letters to our daughter [girl the PAP wants to adopt] to tell her about the things they [adopted kids already in the US] have struggled with” and help entice this 16 year to allow herself to be adopted.”

http://tygartfamilyadoption.blogspot.ca/2012/04/wonderful-day.html
http://tygartfamilyadoption.blogspot.ca/2012/05/no-decision-today.html



Six

 

Rally’s comments:

God is fundraising for this couple who apparently has no way to complete the adoption (so WHY were they approved to adopt again?) You should not think that they just want money from you when you get a fundraiser email from them. Again that is the will of God that you give them money. By the way, this would be a good time to remind you that it is the will of God to send me money too. Just send me a bunch or else!

Zeus

 

Oops! wrong god.

http://therightkindacrazy.blogspot.ca/2012/05/its-my-job-dont-take-it-personally.html

“We in no way have the estimated $40,000 laying around to complete this assignment. Frankly, I don’t even think I know anybody who does have this kind of ransom in their bank accounts.”

and “So, everytime I post on my blog, or on Facebook, or mail you fundraisers, or change the conversation or “Yell from the mountain tops” for these children-please, please don’t get mad or upset or frustrated or get tired of hearing about it. Please do not ever think that all I want is money from you. Please . .

DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
That is unless God wants you to”

14 Comments

  1. The APs who claim to be close to the lord (a laudable goal, no doubt) often end up homeschooling their kids (lovely idea, again) to know Jesus above all else (again, lovely in theory)…  But this particular homeschooling o'RAD adopted kid manifesto is pretty scary.  Admittedly, I’m a heathen, but I think that the goal for kids (ALL KIDS) is learn to read, write and get along with all kinds of people.  I’m also having a hard time seeing how homeschooling kids – so they get ZERO exposure to other religions, view, cultures, languages, etc, lest they be corrupted by the evil in the world – differs from say, madrassas in Pakistan that teach kids NOTHING by the Koran and allow ZERO exposure to other religions, cultures, languages, views, etc.
     
    http://waldenbunch.blogspot.ca/2012/05/homeschooling-children-with-rad.html
     
    AP writes "I have an overall plan for my children with goals for their lives at the end of their homeschool education. For every single one of them, I desire that their relationship to Christ be more important than any other and that they will walk by faith in determining God's plan for their future".
     
    Because who would want their kids to be literate, learn useful skills, learn to get along and/or be exposed to cultures/views/values that differ from those of their parents?? So long as the RELIGIOUS view is first and foremost, everything else is just gonna fall into place??

    Relationship or education?
     
    AP continues "As much as your RAD child wants to push you away and sabotage it, this is the most important aspect of your child’s life. Learning about relationships and living with others is a key skill for adulthood."
     
    “Others” being defined as in the family and the family’s church ONLY. Wouldn’t want the kiddo exposed to anything/anybody else. Especially if you are (as this amom is) 11 years into homeschooling RAD kids, right??
     
    AP says "For me, this has meant stepping back many (many, many, many) times and asking God what is most important for this day. Is it beating those math facts over their heads one more time (and sometimes the answer is yes) or is it about stopping what we're doing to address the heart issues? To try once again to overcome the fear of abandonment, the debilitating shame and anxiety that encompass their hearts."
     
    That’s actually lovely and reasonable – good on mom for being attuned to her kids.
     
    AP says "Letting the child know in that moment that he/she has my complete and total attention."
     
    Because that helpful/useful for real life, right? Adults always have private one on one instruction, so there’s no need to learn to sit still, pay attention, wait your turn, assist others or wait until the other kids with math questions ask their questions??
     
     
    "Whether your child is in a public, private or homeschool, the teacher can only pour into your child as much as the child can hold. Realizing that your child may not be capable of higher math or research papers is a part of the process. "

    As opposed to, say, AP teaching a kid how to solve math problems or break a big research paper into small, manageable steps? Or getting experience dealing with a range of people and values??

    Then there are the APs who homeschool or send to neighborhood schools the biokids, but ship the adopted ones to boarding school:

    http://trudgingahead.blogspot.ca/2012/03/publicly-loathed.html?m=1

    http://www.watchingthewaters.com/2011/07/ch-ch-ch-changes.html?m=1

  2. Gotta love PAPs that announce their "paper pregnancy" via photoshopped ultrasound image of China. So awful, so offensive and yet they're proud of this "announcement" that's in the public domain. I cannot imagine how hurt an adopted kid would be to stumble across this post years n years later!!
    http://thatlovemayabound.blogspot.com/2012/05/what-country.html

    This RR AP Ashley is advocating for lil Ukranian "Keegan" — complete with illegal pics of him, as well as private medical info! As ever, no one even knows if this kiddo is legally available for international adoption.

    Still, good ole Ash is encouraging folks to:

    "Could it be possible?  Uh-huh.  Maybe the money you were going to spend on that rug could go toward Keegan's grant?  Would that hurt a little?  Definitely.  Especially if you've been waiting a long time for that rug.  But guess what?  You'll survive and Keegan won't".

    Ashley raised oodles o'cash to adopt lil RR Carter… and, of course, kept the cushy $13k fully refundable tax credit she got when she brought Jim home in 2011. 

    Do you think Ashley used any of the adoption tax refund to repay donors? Or to contribute to the grant of lil RR Keegan?? Nooooo, of course not!! It's much easier to try to guilt others into giving up THEIR Starbucks, while Ash just keeps the profit she made adopting lil Carter!

    http://homeiswhereitsat.blogspot.ca/2012/05/whats-it-worth.html?m=1

    An RR pap "advocating" for illegally photolisted kids in Ukraine (who may not even be legally available for adoption):
    http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.ca/2012/05/sweet-saturday.html?m=0

    The same pap is pleased with tge faux referral of this kid and directs readers to the kid's soon to be parents. Icky, illegal (pre-selecting kids to adopt is also illegal in Ukraine).  The faux referral's PAP also charmingly details how shed been using the New Horizons for Children Orphan Hosting Program (it sends Ukrainian kid's to the US for summers and Xmas breaks to learn about Jesus and having a family but is EXPLICITELY not an adoption program) to troll for a kid to adopt:

    http://summer4anastasia.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/jack-a-divinely-appointed-u-turn/

    The really fun part is that this PAP was super-disappointed at not being able to ADOPT the kid (vova) that she'd hosted who was nit legally available for adoption since his parents had not and DID NOT want to terminate their parental rights.

    The PAPs at oursoninbulgaria.blogspot.com (one of the gag me blogs detailed above) elaborates on how she feels she's truly saving a child that she cannot afford to adopt because it is ""complicated than "wanting a son" or "wanting to have another child".  My goodness.  That hardly sums it up"… except, well it's not. Her expectation that the kid'll be sooooo grateful to her for "saving" him….disaster.

    Another RR PAP fundraising via incredibly distasteful tshirts   That say orphan and “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.   I Corinthians 13:13” in English Russian Bulgarian and Chinese:

    http://bringinghomeourgirls.blogspot.com

    These PAPs were also HORRIFIED and OFFENDED when told via letter that they couldn't adopt the kid (Flower) they had their heart set on:

    "The stupid letter from the SDA also states that "["Flower] cannot be adopted by a foreign family as she happily resides with a Ukrainian family that has priority over foreign families." Lovely, right? Ugh!"

    How dare the ukrainian government give priority to a local family that'd allow Flower to stay in her country, keep her language/culture and maintain contact with her bio family????

     http://www.findingrdaughter.braveblog.com/entry/23827

    The

  3. This RR PAP fell in love with a little boy in Ukraine who is not legally available for adoption and even prayed that his BIRTH MOM (!) stop visiting him in the orphanage (!!), i.e. so they could adopt the kid instead. The PAP set up a “memorial” page for NOT THEIR CHILD, who they’ve “named” Nathanial Jace Preston (icky!) and write that “In our hearts, you are our son. Your country failed to see all that you could grow up to be”

    http://specialingredientlove.blogspot.ca/2012/05/online-giveaway-update-and-more.html

    This RR PAP is adopting a Ukrainian adult (16 year old girl), with zero $$ saved up because they “moved less than a year ago”, “had a baby 6 months ago” and had oodles of “extra expenses” associated with the move and the baby. Are they saving up before adopting?? Of course not.

    This PAP’s explanation? “There is a huge difference between taking another person into your family and absorbing extra costs for food, etc… and handing over $25K”.

    http://www.bringlaurelhome.com/2012/04/questions/

    This RR PAP has (illegal) photos of their Ukrainian faux referral AND is running an illegal giveaway (chocolate and jewellery) as a fundraiser:

    http://specialingredientlove.blogspot.ca/2012/05/online-giveaway-update-and-more.html

    Homestudy agencies sometimes try to do the right thing – like, say, insist a VERY experienced social worker meet with a PAP that is “SEEKING OUT a special needs adoption” PAPs grumble.

    Heaven forbid a professional THOUROUGHLY REVIEW whether a family seeking to adopt an institutionalized kid with severe SN is really and truly qualified to do so!!

    http://sparklesgigglesandtiaras.blogspot.ca/2012/05/social-worker-assigned.html

  4. Gotta love PAPs who knowingly elect to use an unethical  adoption "ministry" (RR) and it's well-known and allegedly corrupt/unscrupulous facilitator who end up shocked SHOCKED that the facilitator flat-out lied to them and now have mega-problems with their adoption:

    http://www.headoptedusfirst.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-19-delays.html

    Our facilitator is on vacation out of the country but assured me that she would be in contact by email and if I needed anything she would email me back.  I have sent numerous emails and have not heard from her since before she left.  I hope she is ok.  Since I could not get any info from her I had to call one of the other team members and on the way to visit the boys I was told our documents have not even been submitted yet.  WHAT?!?!  Apparently they will be submitted on Monday and the earliest court date we could hope to receive would be in 2 weeks.

    To say that we are upset and frustrated is an understatement.  Really, we would not have minded it so much if someone would have been honest with us and kept us in the loop.  We have no idea why there has been such a delay and when we ask we get no answer and are told they "don't know why the delay". 

    ***********
    Is a family that lost their house and business in the recession, that has 6 kids and serious trouble attempting to rent or buy a house due to no savings and a trashed credit rating sound like a family that should be adopting another SN kid?? This family also owes sooooo much in back taxes that they say they "cannot get a tax advocate" or assistance from their congressman!!

    But, of course, the Falvos are adopting yet another SN kid via RR! Despite not being able to afford to adopt (and within the past few months was not able to HOUSE themselves and their EXISTING KIDS)!!

    Who signs off on their homestudies?? Why on earth does USCIS give orphan visas to PAPs who are CLEARLY unable to afford to care for yet another kid???

    http://loveyamorethancookies.blogspot.ca/2011/12/where-to-start.html

  5. Then there are the homeschooling APs who have apparently given up on getting their kiddos to comply with even minimal behavior standards…

    … Like this AP who essentially gave up and decided it is perfectly OK if:

    – "When an older child [and 100% toilet trained 12 yr old] smiles naughtily and [makes amess] in their pants, we just say 'that's you choice' and keep working dinner"… Cuz who cares if it is a health hazard!! It's ok to have dinner at a table where your kid's poop and pee is.

    -"When the fire alarm is pulled by one of our kids and we simply walk to the office to report it as a false alarm". Why bother teaching a kid NOT to pull a fire alarm?? Soooo much easier to waste public funds and have firefighters regularly show up at a house that is not on fire!!!

    -"When a ream of paper lasts a day and #2 pencils are considered 'single use' because they eat, break, throw and hide them." because it is much easier to let kids destroy every single pencil they come into contact with then to teach your kid (adopted or not; special needs or not) how to APPROPRIATELY use a pencil.

    http://urbanservant.blogspot.ca/2012/04/lighter-side-of-fasd.html?m=0

    ***
    Or the APs who appear to have simply given up in their 17 yr old twins and are real proud of allowing said kiddos to go to the prom despite having accumulated 4-5 in school and out of school suspensions in the past few weeks, for minor teeny-tiny things like stealing and assaulting classmates or each other. While it is truly admirable these APs want to ensure their girls have "happy memories" of growing up… this strikes me as basically reinforcing bad behavior!! Hit your classmates!! Steal stuff!! Still go to the prom in a pretty new dress your folks bought you!!

    http://dynamicduo-dynamicduo.blogspot.ca/2012/05/prom-part-2.html?m=0

    The ever-popular illegal giveaway fundraiser for multiple underprepared families (including one that needs help to afford the cost of appostilling their paperwork, which costs the princely sum of $10):

    http://www.ironiccatholic.com/2012/04/great-big-giveaway-for-new-life-for.html

    The

  6. This AP literally just brought their adopted son home from Ukraine — literally. Landed in the US today… and are immediately young back to adopt a kid they can't afford to adopt. It'll be their THIRD adoption of unrelated kids (boy from Ukraine, boy from Ethiopia) in LESS than a year!!!
    http://duvalquiver.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/changes.html

    • Wow did you get that all wrong. we have never even been to Ethiopia. We also haven’t brought our son home from Ukraine and we can afford all of our adoptions. So wow you must feel pretty ridiculous. If you’re going to print this garbage at least make it real. Oh you can’t because you’re so filled with hate and anger you slander the truth for your cause.

  7. OMG! I’m in love with this blog post, and everything you write! Cannot wait to debunk the complete garbage spewed here with reality instead of the fabricated nonsense. *mwah*

  8. to suggest or in anyway imply that international adoptions are ALL bad is just….wrong. International adoption funds the global economy.
    The highest level of income however is obtained HERE, stateside, with many nonprofit directors making increasing profits each year. By law, private adoption agencies in the USA are supposed to operate as nonprofit organizations.

    The law, however, doesn’t preclude big salaries for the agencies’ executives, or self-dealing by their corporate officers or high overhead costs that don’t benefit the children the groups are supposed to help.
    For many private adoption and foster care agencies, nonprofit status in the child protection business leaves plenty of room for lucrative rewards, according to an investigation by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. just take a look at these salaries that these exec’s are making!

    1 C. Warren Moses CEO The Children’s Aid Society New York $1,351,200 (2010)
    2 Harold A. Smith Secretary Catholic Charities of Baltimore $533,333 (2011)
    3 Kenneth L Hall CEO Buckner International $398,795 (2007)
    4 Joan Wallace-Benjamin CEO The Home for Little Wanderers $361,538 (2012)
    5 David M Kihneman COO Buckner International $332,534 (2009)
    6 Seymour J Friedland Executive Director Jewish Child & Family Services $320,475 (20011)
    7 Betty Nogan-Woerner CFO The Children’s Aid Society New York $298,456 (2009)
    8 Jane Quinn Assistant Executive Director The Children’s Aid Society New York $296,787 (2010)

    in these difficult economic times, international adoption provides a stable affluent lifestyle for those of equivocal moral sensibilities. More importantly, is a good way to meet the fundamental needs of children who need a family NOW.

    • We have a list of international adoption exec salaries in a post from last month that pretty much mirrors your list from foster care and domestic. See it at http://www.reformtalk.net/2012/04/19/adoption-agency-executive-salaries-then-and-now/
      I have to disagree that the highest “level: of salary is obtained in the US as the international fee per child 11 to 20 thousand is usually 10x or more of the average salary of a person in the foreign country which fuels great corruption and organized crime. I know you are being tongue-in-cheek but again but the money made by those trafficking children for adoption fuels child trafficking for other purposes. International adoption could be done right. That is what we advocate for. Right now, in many countries, it is not possible to figure out who is being trafficked and who isn’t.

      And all agencies are NOT nonprofit who operate in adoption. There are several that are FOR-PROFIT and even Hague-approved.Hague accreditation does not require nonprofit status.

  9. to suggest or in anyway imply that international adoptions are ALL bad is just….wrong. International adoption funds the global economy.
    The highest level of income however is obtained HERE, stateside, with many nonprofit directors making increasing profits each year. By law, private adoption agencies in the USA are supposed to operate as nonprofit organizations.

    The law, however, doesn’t preclude big salaries for the agencies’ executives, or self-dealing by their corporate officers or high overhead costs that don’t benefit the children the groups are supposed to help.
    For many private adoption and foster care agencies, nonprofit status in the child protection business leaves plenty of room for lucrative rewards, according to an investigation by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. just take a look at these salaries that these exec’s are making!

    1 C. Warren Moses CEO The Children’s Aid Society New York $1,351,200 (2010)
    2 Harold A. Smith Secretary Catholic Charities of Baltimore $533,333 (2011)
    3 Kenneth L Hall CEO Buckner International $398,795 (2007)
    4 Joan Wallace-Benjamin CEO The Home for Little Wanderers $361,538 (2012)
    5 David M Kihneman COO Buckner International $332,534 (2009)
    6 Seymour J Friedland Executive Director Jewish Child & Family Services $320,475 (20011)
    7 Betty Nogan-Woerner CFO The Children’s Aid Society New York $298,456 (2009)
    8 Jane Quinn Assistant Executive Director The Children’s Aid Society New York $296,787 (2010)

    in these difficult economic times, international adoption provides a stable affluent lifestyle for those of equivocal moral sensibilities. More importantly, is a good way to meet the fundamental needs of children who need a family NOW.

  10. Another charming rebuttle from a godly, Christian RR PAP adopting from Bulgaria:
    http://oursoninbulgaria.blogspot.ca/2012/05/ive-seen-light.html?m=1

  11. The PAP noted in item #3 have posted a rebuttle on their blog. My rebuttle to their rebuttle is below — my comments are all in round brackets.

    http://oursoninbulgaria.blogspot.ca/2012/05/waiting.html?m=1

     We have a room to prepare for our future son, services we can inquire about for him (although we’re not certain when he will be with us) and a host of other things.  But there is a lull in the paperwork.  After working tirelessly on paperwork for weeks and weeks, it’s a bit strange.  The “ball” so to speak (our dossier) is in Bulgaria, waiting to be presented to the Ministry of Justice, which we pray will happen next week.

    (note that the PAPs haven’t yet received an official referral, since Bulgaria hasn’t yet reviewed/approved their dossier)

    Currently, updates about the children who are in the process of being adopted from The Bad Place (Pleven orphanage) must come from the Ministry of Justice.  

    (my gosh!! How awful!! The government of Bulgaria deciding NOT to let just anyone have updates, and photos and private medical info about children they have no claim to whatsoever!!! How dare Bulgaria do such a reasonable and responsible thing!! )

    This means, for instance, that we cannot get timely updates about his progress.

    (so PAPs cannot get updates in a child that has not been referred to them??? How dare the Bulgarian government exercise their legal right to do this!!!!).

      I’m suspicious and unhappy about this development, but it could be as a result of the publicity that this place has received in the press. 

    (Maybe it is the result of an adoption “ministry” illegally or unethically & private medical info about Bulgarian children on the web? Or perhaps due to PAPs without an official referral who post pics/medical info about a Bulgarian child on their fundraising blogs??)

     It could be that the MOJ is controlling access to information because of how uncertain everything is there.  Or it could be something more sinister.  I pray it is the former and not the latter.  

    (Or perhaps Bulgaria has decided to take the radical step of only providing updates to 1) a child’s parents/legal guardian OR 2) PAPs with an official referral ONLY)

    The helpless waiting is so difficult.  

    (True, as a PAP the wait for a referral can seem endless).

    Unfortunately, I know that most of our future son’s needs are not being met.  

    (“future” is the key word here – until  this kid is officially YOUR referred kid, not giving a PAP info is the right thing to do!!!)

    Were this my daughter (here at home), I would be racing to secure the resources she needed.  I can’t do that in this case, and that is sad, frustrating, and scary for our family.  We see this child, who is in need, and we are forced to wait to intervene.  

    (True, provided the kid is YOUR kid. For all anyone knows, this boy might not even be legally available for adoption. It’s not the first and unlikely to be the last unadoptable kid photolisted on Reece’s Rainbow)

    We respect the process that must occur, 

    (these PAPs have an, err interesting way of showing “respect” towards Bulgaria, which appears to be taking reasonable, rational and frankly commendable steps towards improving child welfare).

    but in our parent’s hearts, we simply want the time to magically disappear so we can begin the real tasks of assessing need, integrating our future son into our family, and beginning our lives as a family of four.  

    Funds for the adoption continue to accumulate, thanks to the generosity of friends and strangers alike.  Our family continues to be blessed.  We are just over halfway to our goal. 

    (Gotta love a PAP who relies almost entirely on the $$ of others, as they cannot finance their adoption on their own. I wonder what the Bulgarian government thinks about PAPs relying on donations to pay for their adoption? Because it’s not like PAPs are required to demonstrate that they are financially – among other ways – able to care for an additional child or anything).

     We are also blessed in that we are actually fundraising for only 1/3 of the total adoption costs.  We have already paid, or are prepared to pay, the majority two-thirds.  Of that 1/3, we are over halfway there!  

    There are many ways to help.  Sharing, donating, purchasing, praying.  Some ways are free and some cost money. 

    (Gotta love PAPs who rely almost entirely on other people’s $$ to pay for their adoption… and that none of these suggestions involve the PAPs themselves, ie heaven forbid this PAP picks up overtime, uses their savings, gets a part time job to EARN the $$ needed to adopt. Oh heavens no!!!!).

     

  12. interesting points here.